A Tale of Two Killings and a Magic Remote Control

Some odd things happened at my parents' house recently—and I'm wondering what kind of magic powers Seth has (or, at least, his remote control). 

First, we were sitting in the family room when a nasty spider went running across the floor. There was no denying the obvious. He needed to be killed. Matt grabbed some sort of apparatus (I don't remember anymore what it was...) and smashed the critter. But the spider kept on running...! So he tried again harder! And harder! And even HARDER! The spider of steel finally became most definitely smooshed, all rubbed into the carpet like only spider guts can, and most decidedly dead. Matt went to get a tissue to clean it up.

Enter Seth. With his remote control. Fascinated by the preceding proceedings, he couldn't resist getting in on the action. So he held the remote control high above his head, and...WHAP! Slammed it down on the dead spider. At which point—I solemnly swear to tell you no lies—the smooshed spider. . .started running away! Upon further inspection, he was no longer smooshed! In fact, he showed no evidence of damage of any kind. 

What the...?

Seth eyed his remote control with wonder. And we eyed Seth, with his remote control, with...total befuddlement. 

Matt killed the spider a second time and disposed of it before Seth could bring it back to life again.

Fast-forward only a few hours. Camille had described seeing a venomous looking creature, with a rattle-y tail, slithering under the oak trees and looking decidedly dangerous. We googled some key words and decided it must be a rattlesnake. And it must be killed. Camille was red with fury that it had gotten away unscathed and, being the bloodthirsty sleuth she is, attempted the impossible: to find the same snake twice. She vowed not to eat or sleep or engage in conversation with her mother-in-law until the alleged "rattlesnake" was taken care of. Unfortunately, her resolve was not strong enough to resist conversation with her totally engaging mother-in-law. With the alleged rattlesnake resting—unseen!—only a few feet away, Camille and my mom stood by the fence and talked. And talked...! And talked some more. Oh, the eeriness, the utter creepiness, when they casually glanced over to see their foe! All this time occupying their same space! There was only one thing to do.... Yell for Matthew.

And yell they did. And come he did. With sword and shield—actually, with boots and hoe. He hacked, and hacked (the hoe was rather dull...) while the snake tried futilely to slither away (and while Camille snapped pictures), and hacked some more until, finally, the head was (avert your eyes if you don't want to know)...severed. His capa...was detated...from his head. He was dead. Camille took some more pictures, then vowed to resume eating and sleeping. We all stood and marveled at the grotesque remains.

Enter Seth. With his remote control! Do I have to tell you the utter horror that occurred next?! We tried—oh, how we tried!—to keep him away, but...! Well, ok. In all "actuality," he was sleeping upstairs. I'll confess, though, that I was glad for it.

Thus is the tale of the spider who was found once and killed twice, and the rattlesnake who was found twice and killed, thankfully, only once.