WHAT. THE. FREAK.

There's a Jordanism for you, since I miss the guy. And it's about . . . this product!

What the FREAK? ;) You pee in a cup, swirl it around (so it mixes with chemicals) and, apparently, with 82%-90% accuracy, you can tell if you're having a boy or a girl as early as 10 weeks. 

This sounds . . . sketchy . . . .

Any of you pregnant out there, will you please try this product and tell me how it goes? Ha ha! http://www.intelligender.com/product.php?productid=1

This comes to you courtesy of gmail's Big Brother. I hate that it puts up advertisements appropriate to the content of your emails. It's CREEPY!!! I hate it, I hate it. But I got an ad for this when someone wrote an email that mentioned baby gender, and about died of intrigue poisoning. 

Anyway, please! Try it! Ha ha! I'm dying to try it myself, but it would be pretty pointless. Hehe. (Besides, they say women with PCOS don't get to enjoy its loveliness, so I'll never be a user. Figures. We PCO sufferers miss out on all the good stuff. I'm still curious, though!)

Funny that these moms claim to have made this awesome test, but actual scientists haven't ever devised a urine test (or blood test, for that matter...) that you can get from your doctor.... HA! Like I said. Sketchy.

A Realization.

Recently, I was on a plane—the first time in three years without Seth—and actually enjoying it. Hehe. Matt and I were both like, woo hoo! How did we ever think flying was lame? We can sit here and watch movies! And get snacks! This is the greatest!

(After several hours and a miserable layover in a miserable airport, with a miserable delay on the tarmac, we had changed our tune.... :))

I watched a variety of movies, and was particularly conscious of my sensitivities because Marley and Me was one of the options. Haha! Yes. Marley and Me. I had not heard a single person talk about it without mentioning that they cried their eyes out. Not one. This intrigued me. I wondered—deeply—if I, too, would succumb...? I strategized when I would watch it (I had to be in tip-top shape :)) and challenged myself to see if I could withstand what, apparently, no human being with a soul can withstand! Hehe. Mostly because I was fairly confident it was only a tear-jerker for being cheesy. 

Well, I'm happy to report that Marley and Me did not make me cry! HA HA! Not one bit! I enjoyed the movie more than I expected—it was actually the "tear-jerky" stuff at the end that finally had me going, "come on! This was a decent story!" I was highly dissatisfied with the points they decided to make at the end. No crying. Hehe.

But I did cry in other various cheesy moments in other cheesy movies. And as I sat there with a tear rolling viciously down my hotly embarrassed cheek, it occurred to me that I have a trend. More than a trend.... A 100% predictable rule. And it's hilarious!!

When I cry for something cheesy—when I just can't resist the emotional manipulation—I . . . only cry from one eye. 

HAHAHAHAHA!! 

That kills me. Really.... It kills me. So, everyone, let it be known, if you see me crying from both eyes, it's legit. But one eye...? I'm a victim of cheese!

Happy 24/7!

This might sound neurotic, but I've always had a fascination with timelines. Even as a kid, I'd calculate out how far I was from something exciting in the future (like school ending, or my birthday, or Christmas) by counting that many weeks BEHIND me—giving me an idea of the time involved. When I say things to people like, "hey! There's been as much time between meeting Matt and now, as between 1st grade and knowing Matt!," I always expect it will make perfect sense. And, instead, people always say something like, "HUH? ... Whatever THAT means." What do you mean, whatever that means? Anyway, apparently I'm totally bizarre and eccentric and nonsensical about this. But I love to know how far I am from various events—whether in the past or future.

Which is why my phone is AWESOME to me!! It has a...ooohhhh.... Sit down for this.... A day-counter. [Oooooh.... AHHHH....] It's the coolest thing ever!! You can put in a date, and it will tell you how far you are from it—in either direction! You can also ask it, what date is 43 days from now...? And it will tell you. It's totally sublime.

Upon discovering this function, I immediately plugged in a bunch of milestones. For instance, whenever I even LOOK at my phone, it now tells me how many days before Jordan comes home from El Salvador—421, by the way. When I open the application, I can look at a larger variety of statistics: how long Jordan has been gone, how long I've been alive, how long Matt's been alive, how long random people I think of have been alive (don't be surprised when I call to wish you a happy 12,000th day... :)), how long we've been married, how many days between being married and Seth's birth (if we were going to have a baby on February 3, 2010, it would be the exact number of days between Seth and the new baby as between our wedding and Seth, making Seth the exact midpoint between wedding and baby #2! hehe. But we're not. But if we WERE.... See? These are the kinds of stats I actually enjoy calculating...), how many days my parents have been married, etc., etc. Ad nauseum. :)

Which brings me to the story of today!

When I first got my phone, I noted we had been married approximately 2250 days. And, of course, as many of you know, 24 is beyond a great number. It's THE number. I thought, AWWWWWE-SOMMMMMMME!!! Our 2400th day of marriage is coming! I told Matt. He, of course, was ecstatic. Hehe. I said, "Matt! We've GOT to celebrate our 2400th day!" He said, "YEAH!! TOTALLY!! I can't wait!!" Or something to that effect.... ;)

I calculated what day it would be.... 

And it just so turned out to be...

June 22nd.

I did a double-take. I gasped. I calculated it again. I passed out from shock. I woke up thinking how all of my timeline-numbers-stats dreams came true with this one...! Hehe. 

June 22 is not only our 2400th day of marriage, it is ALSO the 7th anniversary of the day we got engaged! And, as every Hebrew enthusiast knows, seven is the "perfect" number. Having these two things coincide was SO unthinkably cool, I briefly wondered if Matt had actually planned it in advance (so that's why he wanted to be married in November...!). Ha ha! No, it was just fate.... :) YES!

We've had a fun day celebrating. We thought about going out to a nice dinner or something, but then I was thinking about the day we got engaged and decided we should pay more homage to it than just going out to dinner. :) On the day Matt popped the question, he had chased down a very late FedEx truck, (with the ring in it! He waited and waited and then, while pacing in front of the window, saw it leaving the street without having stopped at the address! Whew!! Poor freaking-out Matt...), packed a picnic lunch, got stuck in traffic behind some silly parade of some po-dunk silly Utah town, picked me up, took me up into the mountains for a little hike, found a nice little log to sit for our picnic lunch (oh yeah, and also to ask me to marry him and kiss me :)), bought some shakes, and took me to a little park where we sat on the grass eating our shakes, staring at my ring, and saying things like, "woo hoo!! We're engaged!!" 

So, for our 24/7 anniversary, I packed a picnic lunch and took us to a canyon park nearby that we've always wanted to hike through. I couldn't think of a way to have to chase down a FedEx truck.... But I tried. Hehe. I also couldn't find a parade in town to get stuck in traffic behind—but maybe it can count that, very recently, we were thwarted in a billion different places when the San Diego Marathon took over our exact routes to every place we want to go (grrr...). The memory still stings enough for it to have happened today. ;) So we went to the San Clemente Canyon trails near our house, hoping to find a log to sit on for our picnic lunch. Instead, what we found was.... POISON OAK!! Tons, and TONS of poison oak! I've seen a lot of poison oak in my life—but NEVER this overgrown. It was truly awe-inspiring. And intimidating. Especially with Seth around, and especially since we'll be seeing my mom several times in the next few years—which is about how long it takes for the oil to leave clothing enough that her skin won't blow up upon contact. Anyway, we were thwarted. Fitting. Hehe.

We considered going to another hiking place, but decided our events would just fail to coincide perfectly, and went to the park for our picnic lunch instead of milkshakes. Let me just say.... Our life situation has improved immensely in the last seven years. Ha ha ha! We weren't at no park in Provo, people. :) And it wasn't no hundred degrees. (And we were also about to discover a chocolate malt so far superior to the one 7 years ago from the famed Provo "Malt Shoppe" that they really shouldn't get to be called the same thing. Mmmm!!!!) We went to one of our favorite parks in Mission Beach. It's super-quiet, right in the tiny isthmus between the ocean, the bay, and the river. Coolest place ever. (Literally, the bay at your front, the river at your back, and the ocean maybe 100 yards off to the side.) Seth played on toys, and we watched sailboats and the sunset while munching our yummy picnic.

And then it was off to Ocean Beach for that amazing chocolate malt. Which we just ate in the car on the way home.... (Did I mention it was amazing? :))

All in all, a fun day! So Happy 24/7 to us! 

Because Happy 24/7 is what I am when it comes to spending life with Matt. (Aw.... ;))

My Name, Part Two:

Ok, this isn't really about my name.... But for all you people who took the baby names survey, there are a couple more on the list now. First of all.... Tess! Oooh, I love it. Seth, Maren, and Tess. Those could totally be our kids. 

Actually, that's the only one. Hehe. We've also talked Evan a little.... But I don't know.... What are people's thoughts on Evan and Ian? Evan Williams. Ian Williams. Eh. 

I'd rather have Maren and Tess. :) 

Oh, help our poor little boy #2 if he ever exists. We can't find any more names!

What does this make you think?

I'll tell you what it makes me think: don't screw this up, don't screw this up! Auburn, so help me, if you even think about taking your eyes off that light...!

I enjoy creating several "rules of thumb" for life. Hehe. They probably deserve their own blog post! (I'll put it on the docket. :)) Things like: if you had time to make a complete stop, and the light is still yellow.... You chose poorly, friend.... :)

BUT, rule of thumb when you see a photo-enforcement sign?! If you see a yellow light—a glowing yellow orb of death—and you don't slam on your brakes and sit patiently behind the limit line...? You fool! (It's time to go see the doctor about that brain transplant....) Sure, when you're right about to enter the intersection and the light barely turns yellow, chances are you'll make it through. But if you don't...? That $485 ticket is gonna hurt.

Yes! You heard me correctly! $485!

Second rule of thumb at a photo light: don't you dare enter the intersection when there's even the slightest possibility you'll get stalled by the traffic in front of you.

That's gotta be an awful feeling to be stuck behind a row of cars, watching the light above you turn yellow, then red, and seeing the flashes of cameras documenting your stupidity.

So, San Diego has a fair number of these photo lights. I think about 10 or so. I see one or two of them most every day. And...! Without fail!! Can you believe it? I always see people running red lights! Are they insane?! Did you not notice the very prominent signs, warning you that you're about to lose five hundred bucks?! You really want to get through the intersection that badly...? 500 bucks?

Sometimes I think, well, maybe someone is in labor or something. But then I remember Matt trying to get me to the hospital while I was in transition, running red lights all across Denver, and I think... no.... No way would Matt have run that red light. Five hundred bucks? No way. And me.... Sure, I couldn't say two words at the time, but I swear I would have jumped at him, pulled him by the collar, and yelled something like, "cross this line and we're through!!" if that photo sign had come at us. ;)

Five hundred bucks!!

So.... People! What are you thinking?

My Name, Part One:

Brigham Young University and the BYU Humanities Department keep sending things to: Auburn Golding Williams; or Auburn G. Williams. Ugh! That's not my name! And Auburn G. Williams looks positively atrocious. 

A Survey...

So, if you had his permission, would you feel ok about slapping your father in the face as part of a comedy skit or something...?

And another question, which may or may not sound related: does the faucet in a public restroom give you germy heebie-jeebies?

I read in an article in the New York Times that these questions can identify your political leanings! I want to see more! Apparently, conservatives are far more likely than liberals to NOT be willing to slap their father in the face, even with permission—and liberals are likely to think that's just fine (with permission... :)). Also, liberals are far more likely to say the faucet doesn't bother them, while conservatives worry about its germs. 

My answers? I had said no, no way to the slapping my father in the face. It's unthinkable! Maybe my dad before my grandma, or something, but still.... And to the faucet heebie-jeebies...? Also a no. I don't think about it one second. Big deal. I've even been in some pretty germy bathrooms (world traveling has its price :)), and I never once worried that, what? Some germs are gonna.... What...? 

Just give me some soap or hand sanitizer, and back in the fresh air, and I'm good. 

Anyway, I was pleased that with this huge sample of TWO WHOLE QUESTIONS :), I came out as a moderate. Hehe. Which I'm pretty sure I actually am. I'm at least dang sure I'm not a liberal, and sometimes even more sure I'm not a conservative. And now this proves it, right? Ha ha!

As for Matt, he answered "moderately" as well.... Though with the opposite answers! A reflection of our political compatibility...? Haha! It amused me. Even if the thought of Matt slapping his dad is downright horrifying. The gall!

How do you answer? 

Say what?

I love Seth being so creative with talking! Hahahaha! The better he is at talking, the funnier life is. Yesterday, coming home from church, he really surprised me with this one:

Seth— "Ugh, I'm REAL tired, Mom."

Me— "Do you want to go to bed when we get home?"

Seth— "Yeah. I want to eat something ['tea-ting'] first, and then I wanna go to bed.... YAWWWWWNNNNNNNNN."

Me— "Oh. You sound really tired, Mister. Maybe when we get home, you should just have a big drink of milk, and then go to bed."

Seth— "Ummmm....  How about not....  There's another choice.  It's called 'eating.'  And that's what I'm going to do.  Alright...?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I swear I'm not making this up! HAHAHA!! Who could refute such an argument? :)