There's No Hope

I want to like fish sooooo bad. It looks absolutely delectable. The meat is such a great texture, you can flavor it all different ways, it's really good for you...!

Unfortunately, it also tastes like . . . fish! Like the way a pier smells. Like some kind of chemical is putrefying on your plate!

After a successful acclimation to spicy food (thank you, Chris, my "Spice Coach" ;)), I was determined to overcome my sensitivity to that "fishy" flavor. For years Matt was on the hunt for fish that was mild enough for me to enjoy. He'd order fish every chance he got and carefully evaluate.... Then it was either, "Nope, Auburn, this is kind of fishy." Or, if I were lucky, it was, "oh yeah, I'm sure this isn't fishy at all! You can try this one!"

So I'd try it.

Fishy. Every time.

Makes me want to puke.

Mahi mahi. Fishy. Mahi mahi encrusted with some kind of divine macadamia nut mixture. Fishy. The perfect salmon. Fishy. Halibut. Fishy. $40 fish entree. Fishy! I mean, really people. How can you stand it? Do you lick piers, too?

Eventually, Matt gave up. He'd try something and say, "you know, I could swear this doesn't have any fishiness! But you better not try it.... Sorry." :)

The nail in the coffin happened a couple years ago when Brian and Janelle drove to Denver and offered us some of their road snacks. I went for the beef jerky. Mmmm!! Beef jerkkk.... Wha...?

Tastes like FISH!!!

I started to complain. Does anyone else taste this? The beef jerky is fishy! No one believed me—thought I was crazy. I tried another bite. Ugh. Fish fish fish.

At which point, Janelle, incredulous, with a bit of "I'm in the twilight zone" in her voice, said: "Ummmm.... The bag of beef jerky was sitting next to a bottle of omega-3 supplements. Those have, uh.... Fish oil...." Hadn't come in contact—just supplements in a bottle sitting in a bag next to a sealed package of beef jerky. Could it be possible?

All these years I had wondered if the fishiness were just in my head, and now it all clicked. Why would my psyche randomly decide that beef jerky should taste like fish oil...? I started to remember all those times I had eaten something random at a restaurant and had to throw it away because it was too fishy—french fries, carrot cake?, vegetables.

My mind flashed to that chemical-paper genetics experiment in high school biology. Mr. Jones came in with a tube of little strips of paper, gleeful. "Golding! I can't wait for you to taste this! Muwahahahahaha!!!!" Everyone gets a paper to taste. For the vast majority, the paper will taste horribly bitter. But if you happen to have two recessive genes, you'll taste nothing. We had 25 people in the class. I braced for the taste! My classmates started to moan and spit and gag and complain. I tasted . . . nothing. Out of all 25 in the class, I was the only one who could taste nothing. I chewed on that piece of paper for a while just reveling in the awesomeness that is genetics (and in the chagrin of my teacher who had been so excited to torture me :)). So cool! Genes can make you not taste a nasty chemical on a piece of paper!

So now I'm tasting fish on beef jerky and realizing.... I've got some kind of freak genetic thing that makes me taste a chemical in fish other people don't taste!

My dream died.

I also felt vindicated. :)

But the dream died....

And I'll never be able to eat fish. :-(  It's really, really, really sad.

A few weeks ago, Matt bought some Smart Balance eggs. He was so excited about them, too. They'll taste better! They're good for you! Seth eats so many eggs, and now he'll get more Omega-3s!

I made myself an egg-on-bagel sandwich and.... You guessed it!

Fish.

Are you kidding me! Eggs that taste like fish? Who could have seen that coming?! (Disgusting. I had to throw it away after a few bites because I just couldn't take it anymore.)

I don't know what they're feeding those chickens to get Omega-3s in those eggs, but the litmus test—me!—says fish is involved somewhere! I googled it to see if I were crazy. Sure enough, there were but a few souls out there asking the question: "why do my smart balance eggs taste like fish?" The world rose in revolt against them to say, wow, you're insane. But I think they're on to something...!

R.I.P. craving for fish. It's never gonna happen.

To find out or not to find out....

I just read on someone's blog (someone I don't know :)) about the really fun way they found out about the sex of their baby. They said at the last-minute, they asked the tech to write down the gender and seal it in an envelope—and right away they took the envelope to a baker and asked him to bake a cake with pink or blue frosting. They invited their families over for dinner and (with much fanfare, I'm sure) the soon-to-be-Mom got to cut into . . .

Is that fun or is that fun? If I felt like finding out along with a bunch of people, I'd wish we'd thought up this idea ourselves! Maybe at home with our own kids someday.... (How much would kids love that?!) Too cute.

Another goodie!

Seth's prayer last night:

Heavenly Father

Thank You for our things ("our hings")

I would really appreciate it ("hur-preesh-iate it") if You would come to our house to visit

Really soon

And

I'm showing You I keep my deals

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I love that Seth doesn't say the same things all the time. :) And that He frequently tells God "I'd really hurpreeshiate it if . . . ." :-D You know, things like coming over for a visit. He's not a mimicker, that's for sure. Haha! (Or do I sometimes pray like that? Heavenly Father, we'd really appreciate it if Seth could get some help with his scratching so he doesn't die soon. But if he does die soon, help him be happy to live with Thee again. :))

(Showing he can keep his deals is a conversation I'd had with him the other night about why it would be a good idea to go to sleep after he had made a deal with dad for extra Legos time. ;))

The best prayer of the year was in Church a few months ago. Seth's prayers have been impressively context-specific. For probably a full year, every time he prayed at home he would start with: "Heavenly Father, please help us to have a baay-bee. Thank you for...." So when he'd volunteer in nursery at church to say the prayer for the snack, I'd brace myself for a funny situation (I worked in nursery with some other adults). But, dozens of times, he prayed only for things relevant to the nursery class, never for help having a baby. Whew!

Then he graduates to the big-kid "Primary" and I heard him pray in class a few times. It was always context-specific still—so when it was his turn to pray up at the microphone on behalf of all the kids (and bunches of teachers!) in Primary, and I was not telling anyone I was pregnant, I trusted everything would be fine.

First thing out of his mouth! In the microphone! Completely discernable!:

Heavenly Father

Thank you for our baay-bee

Please help our baby to grow

Ohhhh boy! Hahaha!

Then he goes on and on with the sweetest prayer ever:

Thank you for our moms

Thank you for our dads

Thank you for all the pretty flowers

and Thank you for the beautiful sky ("kighhh...")

Thank you for our hings

Thank you we can all be friends

Thank you that we can do hings

Thank you we can have our moms and dads

He had a few more, I just can't remember now. But do you think the cuteness and lengthiness made anyone forget that first part? Haha!

As soon as he says Amen, the chorister sitting behind me goes: "Aw! That was the sweetest prayer EVER!" And the pianist blurts out: "Cat's out of the bag! I hope you were ready!" And all the teachers and everyone else just sit there grinning at me with the funniest looks. It was hilarious. Not a bad way to tell everyone, though.... :)

Aha!

I found out the other day that there's a real reason I didn't feel the baby move until—honestly—the same day that Matt could feel her, too! (Almost 20 weeks!) Anterior placenta! (One of Matt's theories, actually.) The placenta is in the front rather than the back, and therefore acting as some kind of barricade. I'm also larger on the right side than the left! Hahaha! Which might be explained solely by the fact that she's breech and most of her body is over there. But maybe that's where the placenta is, too. I'm curious how long I'll look down and see my belly button off-center. Hehe. (No one else notices I'm lopsided, but I've been noticing since I started showing.)

I decided to dress all comfortably last week (21 1/2 weeks) and it happened to be a dress that showed off my belly, and Matt snapped some impromptu pictures. The evolution of the shot kind of amused me. :)

Yeah, um. I'm pretty sure we didn't get anything serious. I'm pretty sure that's impossible when Matt or I is taking pictures of the other.

If those were a little painful, here's something gorgeous to feast your eyes upon:

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Seth has some awesome prayers sometimes. One of his best ever was last night—after he was asleep we sat in our bedroom and laughed until it hurt!

Background: Seth scratches. Which turns mildly irritated skin into full-blown eczema. Which he scratches. Then it turns into gaping wounds. Which he scratches. Sometimes he holds off long enough to get some good scabs that are almost—almost!—healed, and we hold our breath that maybe he'll have normal ankles and knees for the first time in months. But he inevitably gets bored sometime and decides to scratch off the scabs. Sometimes he's indignant about it ("But how can it hurt me?! It feels good! Don't tell me not to scratch!"), and sometimes he's a little depressed that he hasn't mastered the self-control yet, and sometimes he's all pumped up to never scratch again. And how about wrapping him up in band-aids and wraps...? Forget about it. That just makes the area even more intriguing. We joke about putting casts on him. Haha!

So.... Last night....

First off, super cute, he catalogues for God how much we love Him. "We love you SOOOOO much. We just LOVE you. We are trying to love you as much as you love us, but you love us A LOT. I love you eighty-eighty-NINE!" :)

Then, "Thank you for our baby. Please help our baby to grow."

Then, the best part!

"Please help me to stop scratching. But if I DO scratch...and I die soon...please help me be happy to live with you again...."

HAHAHA!

HAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Matt crawled into bed laughing as much at me as at Seth, insisting "he is SO your son." That's right!

Then and Now

It's funny to be pregnant again. It just feels like a once-in-a-lifetime experience, you know? And yet, here I am, 4.5 years later, in the middle of it all over again. In some ways I feel like it's a new experience—the memory of Seth's pregnancy having (finally! :)) faded somewhat—except that there's always this dawning recognition that, noooo, this is all oddly familiar.... Feeling a contraction again for the first time. Wow. Wow. It's all just strange.

So here's my compare-and-contrast!

Morning Sickness: About the same! General crumminess with most food feeling disgusting, but no actual puking. This pregnancy has had more lost breath and light-headedness.

PVCs: When I was pregnant with Seth, a heart condition I'd always had was hugely exacerbated. I get "skipped" beats—premature ventricular contractions. They used to happen a couple times a year and I didn't know what they were. (Elizabeth once famously noted: "Did you just have an aneurysm?!" ;)) When I was over halfway through my pregnancy with Seth, I out-of-the-blue started getting strong ones every third beat. (Instead of twice a year!) Got an EKG, found out they were benign PVCs, then dealt with the feeling of being super-nervous in the middle of a grueling physical challenge for the rest of the pregnancy (they're hugely unsettling). With this pregnancy, I don't think I even knew I was pregnant yet and the PVCs had already sped up. Haven't stopped.... Isn't it interesting?

Eyesight: Another interesting thing! My vision plummeted with Seth, and again with this one. I'm assuming it will go back to the status quo after this baby is born, like it did with Seth. We'll see!

Weight gain: I'm gaining at exactly the same rate, always weighing the same as before. To the pound! It's kind of amazing. I'm curious how long that will last.

Food cravings: With Seth I could only eat peaches and cottage cheese, whole milk, or orange juice for most of the first trimester. With this baby I've been able to eat most anything. My go-to food this time has been eggs! I have some form of egg on bread (often with cheese) just about every day. The protein is great....

My longterm craving with Seth was Oreos. No particular cravings this time around. Oh! And when I had felt the most morning-sick this time, I kept wanting Spicy Jack Quesadillas from Del Taco. I hadn't had many of those since . . . I had been morning sick with Seth! I had completely forgotten it had been my stomach-settler the first time around until Matt reminded me. Well! Nausea knows what it wants and doesn't change it's mind, I guess! Kind of funny.

Showing: I think I'm about two weeks ahead of Seth's pregnancy this time, maybe one. It seems like I'm showing at about the same rate. Everyone is still complaining about me being disappointingly small.... Sorry!

Waddling: Despite having a fairly small tummy so far, I've been waddling for weeks already! I don't think that happened with Seth until well into the third trimester. I guess my hips are already disintegrating! It's terrible! What am I going to do when I do have a major belly? Will I even be able to move? Stay tuned to find out.... [Dum-dum-DUM!]

Contractions!!: Cue more scary music!! The contractions story with Seth:

20 weeks—Felt my very first contractions. Thought it was interesting and kind of fun. It made me feel actually pregnant.

24 weeks—Contractions were coming lots of times a day. Started to be less fun....

28 weeks—Contractions every 10 minutes. Really annoying.

31 weeks—Appeared to be dilating. Admitted to the hospital. Contractions every 3 minutes. Sent home the next morning on anti-contraction drugs and ordered to bedrest for a few weeks. Oh, and did I mention the baby (Seth, that is :)) was fully engaged? Fun.

32 weeks... 33... 34...—Baby still fully engaged, contractions still every few minutes.

35 weeks—Baby still fully engaged, contractions every few minutes. I wanted to die.

36 weeks—Doctors sooo pleased I haven't had baby yet. Still fully engaged! Contractions every few minutes! I was starting to get pretty tired....

37 weeks—Nurses start finding humor in my sad, sad situation. "Hahaha! Here we were hoping to get you to 34 weeks, and now look, I bet you go overdue! Isn't that hilarious? Hahaha!" Oh, the thought! I could have died at those words!

38 weeks—Fully engaged, contractions every few minutes!!!! AAAHHHH!!

39 weeks—Thankfully, I never got to 39 weeks. Hallelujah! Oh, and did I mention the real labor only lasted four hours (first baby!), and that half of that was a deliberate slow-down...?

(When doctors ask how long my first labor was, they gasp at the four hours part. What they don't know is that I wanted to answer: "Two months. And four hours." Hehe.)

So for years now I've been fascinated to know: was it all a fluke? Would a second pregnancy go the same way? Or be even more dramatic? Or maybe a second pregnancy would be all normal...? Will a second labor be even faster, like, having the baby in the car kind of fast? Or what if a second labor is 12 hours or something? That would just be weird!

The answers so far:

12 weeks—CONTRACTIONS!!! [Dum-dum-DUMMMM!!!!!!] I. Couldn't. Believe it. Twelve weeks! Eight weeks earlier than with Seth. It was strange to feel that ol' familiar feeling over such a tiny, tiny spot instead of my entire abdomen, but there was no denying the loss of breath, the surge of "ugh", the general strangeness of the whole thing.

13 weeks—Yep. Definitely contractions. Definitely coming several times a day. Sometimes several times an hour! Sometimes back-to-back for 20 or 30 minutes!

And here I am at 21 weeks, when I had first felt the occasional contraction with Seth, and getting them all the time. Some of them are so strong they totally take my breath away. So how will the rest of this story play out...? I'm morbidly curious. I also don't want to know. I also can't help but find out! Stay tuned.

Tiredness: I was bone tired with Seth. But I'm pretty sure I'm even more tired now. With Seth I couldn't stay awake the whole first trimester and then I bounced back. With this one, I was a little more functional the first trimester, but it keeps getting worse instead of getting any better. I'm exhausted.

Excitement level!: Everything felt more intense with Seth. The joy and longing for that baby were overwhelming, but so was the cloud over our heads that had formed through lots of experience of my body being terrible at this. This time everything feels more . . . calm . . . . I forget sometimes that I'm even pregnant. When I really think about it, I feel all the joy we had with Seth—but then it's more mellow somehow. More content. And even though this baby was just as hard (in many ways, much, much harder) to come by than Seth was, the reality that, "hey, Seth worked!" has really done wonders to help us feel like the other shoe is not about to drop. We're feeling so content with this little girl coming.... It just feels right.

Movement: Watched Seth bouncing around like crazy on ultrasound before he even had arms or had lost his tail. I could feel Seth rolling around at only 15 weeks! This baby? She looked fairly active in early ultrasounds, but I didn't feel her until, no joke...the same day that Matt could feel her. Haha! Is that crazy? Almost 20 weeks. And at the ultrasound last week (she may have been sleeping...?), she hardly moved at all. Very cooperative for the ultrasound tech. Versus Seth who had been swimming like a frog too quickly to get the right pictures! I can't wait to see how their temperaments compare.