My Name, Part Three:

You may remember that I've mentioned before how much I long to doodle, but how I suck at drawing so I end up writing my name over and over.

Here's another funny thing about me: I spent my pre-married life considerably concerned about my future name. Really! This was no laughing matter. Hehe. (Ok, I still laughed about it. :)) I had always really loved my name and, after a lifetime of such satisfaction from a great name, the idea that it could turn into anything, and [gasp!] maybe something horrible was terribly nauseating.

I didn't fail to consider that I wouldn't have to change my name.... And if I thought we'd never have kids, maybe that wouldn't have seemed like a weird idea. But a family with multiple names going on just wasn't what I wanted. So, I figured, I'd be stuck. Dreadfully stuck!

[I did fail to consider that I might marry someone as cool as Matt! Hehe. Someone so unafraid to buck tradition to volunteer: "Auburn, seriously, if you don't want to take my name, but you want us to have the same name, I can take yours! Seriously! I'll do it!" If Matt Golding weren't lame, I might have gone for it.... Matthew Williams is much more aesthetic. Hehe. Plus, I'm not sure he could appreciate what a relief it was to know I was changing my name to Williams and not something terrible. But, really, Matt is cool! Very, very cool.]

In my years of fretting over this, I signed "Auburn" with every last name I could think of. Ha ha! Pages and pages of not just my name, but my name with a billion other names! Just to get a sense.... How does my name sound with other surnames? What do I need to fear? Who do I need to say no to when he asks me on a date? HAHA!! 

I figured to fall in love with someone and then not marry him because of his name would be pretty lame (not to mention ridiculous and impossible). But to just...not get to know him at all...? So that I never run the risk of becoming Auburn Hickenlooper...? Perfectly acceptable. Hehe.

So, now you know: if I know you, I probably signed my name with your name! Not because I wanted to marry you. ;) (I hope that's obvious.... :)) Just because it was a name floating around in the universe, potentially mine some day.

Names I feared with all my soul!:

Auburn Roberts (Say it.... Just try to say it....)

Auburn Burns (hehe—yep, got that one from you Janelle! :)) (a fine name if you're not named Auburn :))

Auburn Oberdorfer or anything else similarly German (not a blanket distaste for all German—but there are a lot of yuckies out there :)) (and yes, I saw someone with that last name once!)

Auburn Hickenbocker (I'm not sure if this name exists, but it's always what my mom says when she makes up a last name! :))

Auburn anything-that-sounds-crass (And there are a lot out there to fear! I'd change it. I really would.... Go through family history, and surnames made alterations all the time. Why not now...?)

Auburn Johnson (I don't know, it just seemed so possible for being so common, and it just doesn't sound that good....)

Auburn Brown (Another common one! AAAAHHHH!!! Auburn Brown? Oh, how awful.)

Names I thought sounded good:

Three syllables. My very favorite? Even before Matt? Auburn Williamson. Seriously! (Maybe we should just add a syllable!) Other favorites were a plethora of Spanish names, like Auburn Morales, and other cool-sounding beauties.

My other great hope, in addition to Auburn Williamson: that I find someone unrelated to me whose name happened to be Golding. HAHAHA!! Oh, the beauty.

Common names I didn't fear:

Auburn Smith.

Auburn Williams. (I really had given Auburn Williams some thought! Thought it was a goodie.... :))

Auburn Jones.

(The other two in the top five are Johnson and Brown, on my fear list. :))

If I ever run for public office—which I continually joke I'd like to do someday (hehe)—I might have to seriously consider billing myself as Auburn Golding again. That's got some star-power. :) But, whew! All that worrying, and I end up with Williams! I'll take it. Thank you, Fate! :)

P.S. Williams, you make it difficult to find good boy names that don't sound totally generic. But I still like you. :)

Insomnia

I couldn't sleep a few nights ago, and since I was at my parents' house I settled in to channel surf on the tv for the first time in a while (it's Hulu or nothing at our house :-)). Channel surfing at 4:00 in the morning allows you to see things you otherwise couldn't laugh at!

First funny thing I saw (and horrifying):

Every other channel was an infomercial called, "YES! Your baby can read!" All these whacked out parents touting the virtues of harassing your baby with flashcards so they can impress your friends at parties. Hilarious. Well, mostly sad and disgusting. But at 4:00 in the morning, the only way to deal with my sadness and disgust was to call it hilarious. :)

The other funny thing I saw:

An infomercial titled (I saw this on a few channels on the channel guide), "Always Tired And You Don't Know Why?" Hahahaha!! I'm just picturing someone channel surfing at 4:00 in the morning.... And they see that title. And the light bulb goes on in their head! "YES! I am always tired, come to think of it! And I just have NO idea why! Maybe this infomercial will explain my midday drowsiness!"

Hmmm.... Maybe because in the middle of the night you're not, I don't know . . . sleeping? It made me laugh. :-)

I do not think it's from what you think it's from. :)

So, to anyone who saw my original post about The Road Not Taken, and then saw our addition of the movie clip, I hope you appreciated the irony! Haha! (I originally claimed the quote was from The Three Amigos! I thought it was part of the "plethora" conversation. I should have known, since I actually liked the line, that it was from elsewhere. By the way, Matt and his family enjoy really silly movies.... [Like Three Amigos.])

Matt is highly disappointed that no one wrote in to malign me for daring to strip The Road Not Taken of its most beloved meaning. Hehe. I told him my audience is too intelligent to actually read the poem and think it's saying what people think it's saying. :) As far as poetry goes, it's pretty straight-forward!

For the benefit of the weirdos on wikipedia (Matt wikipedia-ed the poem to see if Robert Frost ever had a good laugh over it. We enjoyed his quote: "You have to be careful with that one. It's tricky. Hehehehehehehe. VERY tricky. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" [implied laughter added] :)), here's a simpler version for wiki-people minds:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

(Creating a perfect metaphor for life)

And sorry I could not travel both

Since, of course, I'm just one man

I considered my options for a long time

And looked down the one as far as I could to try to see what it was like

Then ended up taking the other one, which was just as good

And maybe, I thought, was maybe a better choice...?

Because its grass wasn't tromped on yet!

Although, truth be told, as for that...

(That is, as for how many people had already traveled on these roads)

Both the paths were really about the same

And both of them that morning were equally

Covered in leaves that no steps had tromped on

(Neither was less traveled...! Oh, how to choose?!)

Oh! The pain! I kept the first for another day!

Another day. Yes.

Oh, who was I kidding.

Knowing how one path leads to another...

I knew I'd probably never come back for that first path. Sigh.

This will always make me a little sad. And make me wonder. And make me sigh.

I can foresee that years from now, I'll change up the story to make myself feel good.

The myth will go something like this:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by!

And that has made all the difference.

Ok, that version stinks. Hehe. But wikipedia people, I daresay the "literal interpretation" is, you know, what the poem actually says. (It's not a toughie.) As for an "ironic interpretation," the common interpretation is, itself, the irony! He said it himself: Frost is a trickster! Hahahaha!!

I said it before, I'll say it again. What a GREAT poem. :)

To quote an excellent film:

I saw a reference to a famous poem today, and that quote ran through my head. The poem is one you all know: The Road Less Traveled, by Robert Frost.

Oh, no wait, scratch that. Hehe.

Most people would like it to be about the road less traveled. But did you know it's actually called "The Road Not Taken"? :) (Whoa! How's that for throwing the supposed meaning of the poem on its head? Ha ha!) And that the one thing it for sure is NOT saying is that the speaker "took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." A nice thought, I guess. But, haha!, Robert Frost would either roll over in his grave or have a really good laugh that it's the phrase everyone remembers and uses to back up their "take the road less traveled!" motivational speeches. Personally, I think he'd laugh! After all, his poem has done wonders to prove he was right that this is what everyone really does say to themselves! "And I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!" Hahaha! Totally amusing. It makes me laugh for sure, and I'm not even the one who had thought about this enough to go and write a poem about it. Robert Frost must be having a good laugh. The poem is totally calling people out—and then we all use this very poem, completely incorrectly, to validate his point! Totally oblivious that a joke is on us! HA HA HA!

Anyway, read it again. It's a great poem. :) And, common misperception aside, it doesn't actually make me laugh, but rather think. And sigh. :) I love it, I love it, I love it.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Smile! It's your birthday!

He started out a little shell-shocked by the big to-do, but he got into it. Hehe. It was so fun to see him enjoy his birthday so much! He really was awed by the magic of it all. Like when the servers at the restaurant suddenly started singing to him.... "They sang a song...! For...me...?" Hehe. I'm pretty sure that was the coolest thing to ever happen to him. Here are some snapshots of a super-fun birthday for a super-fun kid. We love this little guy. :)

A veritable mountain of gift wrap. :) Lucky kid!

Here you go!

Because I could never ignore such an awesome request! ;) Thriller for everyone!

(This video always takes me right back to feeling like my kid-self. I used to love that it would come on multiple times while we were at my Grandma's every Halloween—it was my favorite thing of the day! It always scared me soooooo much...but in a GOOD way. I loved it. I still do! :))

Watch it!

Because Dave was right that this is AWESOME, I'm putting another Jackson 5 goodie on here. Ahhh.... Enjoy.

RIP MJ

Michael Jackson died, and as big a deal as it seemed, I thought... huh, there's just nothing to say. 

My first inclination was to think, oh no, I'm a Michael Jackson fan, I'm supposed to be reeling! But I have a serious problem with fans of some stranger's music bowing down before the person when, a) he's a stranger, and b) he's a PEDOPHILE! Hello?! That's just wrong. That's like saying to kids everywhere, celebrity-love is more compelling than you. Don't you think? I mean, wasn't it horribly disturbing when fans showed up by the hundreds to hold up support signs when he was on trial—for alleged child molestation! "Don't worry, Michael. I love Thriller, so I'll support you no matter HOW many kids say you abused them. Dumb kids, trying to take down Michael Jackson!" Anyway, that was all rather appalling. It's not quite as appalling that fans are swarming to bawl over his Hollywood Star. But, still.... I just couldn't go there. Besides, Jackson 5-Off The Wall-Thriller-Bad-Michael Jackson has been gone a long, long while anyway....

The other inclination was to notice a plethora of jokes that could be made about the relief in this situation.... Hehe. But, you know, the poor guy was super-disturbed, and it's just not nice to poke fun at the deceased.

So, we said, "What?! NO way!" And then . . . . There just wasn't anything left to say. (Not that the news thought the same. Hehe.) What a bizarre event. 

Go watch Thriller, though. Because it's awesome. And even more awesome are Jackson 5 videos. That kid—you know, Michael Jackson :)—was THE coolest, most talented child ever, ever, EVER! In my next life, I'm gonna have soul like that. :) Watch for no other reason than to marvel at the soul I'm gonna have. Ha ha!! ;) 

(The end is the best! Only two minutes, watch it all!)

Huh?

Why did my wildly hilarious elevator entry suddenly disappear? Ha ha! Lightning bolts from above because I admitted to that evil, evil deed! (Seriously, I've never had an entry disappear before. And I have no idea what happened.... Don't worry! It'll come back! Hehe.)

Morality

I recently saw a fairly interesting report of a Gallup poll that attempted to assess Americans' moral compass. It was pretty limited—I think respondents were only asked to define if they thought a certain thing was morally right or wrong (in most of these categories, I find myself thinking it's not so cut-and-dry). But many of the results surprised me! What do you think? Here's what the article reported:

Ninety-two percent of Americans who responded to a recent Gallup poll say having an affair is morally wrong [surprise: the other 8% said it's ok? hehe. Also, I was surprised it ranked so highly above some of the things below], more than any of these other deeds:

Divorce: 30 percent say it's wrong [higher than I would have guessed for how the question was apparently phrased]

The death penalty: 30 percent [Also higher, to my pleasant surprise—though I hope it gets much higher! I so do not understand how the death penalty is at all acceptable, other than when the person is really, truly a continuing threat to society, even from behind bars. Dreadful.] 

[A side note, though: I've often wondered if the death penalty could be appropriate for child molesters. Does that sound crazy, that I find it reprehensible against murderers, but maybe reasonable against child molesters...? First of all, nothing makes me angrier than a person being evil enough to hurt a child. Second, I can imagine that, unlike murder, the death penalty might actually help prevent child abuse. My mom thinks child molesters should be castrated from the first offense. Awesome! Too bad the Supreme Court would surely call it "cruel and unusual punishment," like hard labor is. And being killed isn't?]

Buying and wearing clothing made of animal fur: 35 percent

Gambling: 36 percent [wow! Other than other Mormons, I can't think of anyone who I'd guess would think gambling is morally wrong.... 36%!]

Medical research using stem cells from human embryos: 36 percent [I was glad to see that lower than I would have guessed....]

Medical testing on animals: 36 percent [I wonder what people are picturing here.... Could a whole 36% of Americans really think we shouldn't use animals to make advances in medicine? Without animal testing, we'd all still be dying when we're 40.... As I'm typing this, Matt is actually packing his bag to go do surgeries on mice and pigs to help figure out pulmonary hypertension, particularly for pediatric patients. That's kind of a funny concurrence. Hehe.]

Sex between an unmarried man and woman: 40 percent [40%!! Are you kidding me? That's actually pretty cool! Well...I guess.... If you consider that everyone fornicates anyway, maybe this stat is a little depressing.... :)]

Having a baby outside of marriage: 45 percent

Gay or lesbian relations: 47 percent

Doctor-assisted suicide: 56 percent

Abortion: 56 percent [a prime example of how this study might be too limited.... so many scenarios to consider here!]

Cloning animals: 63 percent

Suicide: 80 percent [again, too many different scenarios to consider...]

Cloning humans: 88 percent [And what are people picturing here? I picture cloning people for fun reproduction, and I can't imagine 12% thinking that's ok! But maybe people are imagining cloning to produce 16-celled embryos for stem cells...? If a Gallup pollster asked you if you thought cloning humans was morally wrong, what would you picture?]

Polygamy: 91 percent

Married men and women having an affair: 92 percent

Anyway, what do you think of all of it? Interesting, no? :)

I'd avoid it. I would.

But it's still less than half the cost of a photo-light fine.... ;)

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

WHAT. THE. FREAK.

There's a Jordanism for you, since I miss the guy. And it's about . . . this product!

What the FREAK? ;) You pee in a cup, swirl it around (so it mixes with chemicals) and, apparently, with 82%-90% accuracy, you can tell if you're having a boy or a girl as early as 10 weeks. 

This sounds . . . sketchy . . . .

Any of you pregnant out there, will you please try this product and tell me how it goes? Ha ha! http://www.intelligender.com/product.php?productid=1

This comes to you courtesy of gmail's Big Brother. I hate that it puts up advertisements appropriate to the content of your emails. It's CREEPY!!! I hate it, I hate it. But I got an ad for this when someone wrote an email that mentioned baby gender, and about died of intrigue poisoning. 

Anyway, please! Try it! Ha ha! I'm dying to try it myself, but it would be pretty pointless. Hehe. (Besides, they say women with PCOS don't get to enjoy its loveliness, so I'll never be a user. Figures. We PCO sufferers miss out on all the good stuff. I'm still curious, though!)

Funny that these moms claim to have made this awesome test, but actual scientists haven't ever devised a urine test (or blood test, for that matter...) that you can get from your doctor.... HA! Like I said. Sketchy.

A Realization.

Recently, I was on a plane—the first time in three years without Seth—and actually enjoying it. Hehe. Matt and I were both like, woo hoo! How did we ever think flying was lame? We can sit here and watch movies! And get snacks! This is the greatest!

(After several hours and a miserable layover in a miserable airport, with a miserable delay on the tarmac, we had changed our tune.... :))

I watched a variety of movies, and was particularly conscious of my sensitivities because Marley and Me was one of the options. Haha! Yes. Marley and Me. I had not heard a single person talk about it without mentioning that they cried their eyes out. Not one. This intrigued me. I wondered—deeply—if I, too, would succumb...? I strategized when I would watch it (I had to be in tip-top shape :)) and challenged myself to see if I could withstand what, apparently, no human being with a soul can withstand! Hehe. Mostly because I was fairly confident it was only a tear-jerker for being cheesy. 

Well, I'm happy to report that Marley and Me did not make me cry! HA HA! Not one bit! I enjoyed the movie more than I expected—it was actually the "tear-jerky" stuff at the end that finally had me going, "come on! This was a decent story!" I was highly dissatisfied with the points they decided to make at the end. No crying. Hehe.

But I did cry in other various cheesy moments in other cheesy movies. And as I sat there with a tear rolling viciously down my hotly embarrassed cheek, it occurred to me that I have a trend. More than a trend.... A 100% predictable rule. And it's hilarious!!

When I cry for something cheesy—when I just can't resist the emotional manipulation—I . . . only cry from one eye. 

HAHAHAHAHA!! 

That kills me. Really.... It kills me. So, everyone, let it be known, if you see me crying from both eyes, it's legit. But one eye...? I'm a victim of cheese!

Happy 24/7!

This might sound neurotic, but I've always had a fascination with timelines. Even as a kid, I'd calculate out how far I was from something exciting in the future (like school ending, or my birthday, or Christmas) by counting that many weeks BEHIND me—giving me an idea of the time involved. When I say things to people like, "hey! There's been as much time between meeting Matt and now, as between 1st grade and knowing Matt!," I always expect it will make perfect sense. And, instead, people always say something like, "HUH? ... Whatever THAT means." What do you mean, whatever that means? Anyway, apparently I'm totally bizarre and eccentric and nonsensical about this. But I love to know how far I am from various events—whether in the past or future.

Which is why my phone is AWESOME to me!! It has a...ooohhhh.... Sit down for this.... A day-counter. [Oooooh.... AHHHH....] It's the coolest thing ever!! You can put in a date, and it will tell you how far you are from it—in either direction! You can also ask it, what date is 43 days from now...? And it will tell you. It's totally sublime.

Upon discovering this function, I immediately plugged in a bunch of milestones. For instance, whenever I even LOOK at my phone, it now tells me how many days before Jordan comes home from El Salvador—421, by the way. When I open the application, I can look at a larger variety of statistics: how long Jordan has been gone, how long I've been alive, how long Matt's been alive, how long random people I think of have been alive (don't be surprised when I call to wish you a happy 12,000th day... :)), how long we've been married, how many days between being married and Seth's birth (if we were going to have a baby on February 3, 2010, it would be the exact number of days between Seth and the new baby as between our wedding and Seth, making Seth the exact midpoint between wedding and baby #2! hehe. But we're not. But if we WERE.... See? These are the kinds of stats I actually enjoy calculating...), how many days my parents have been married, etc., etc. Ad nauseum. :)

Which brings me to the story of today!

When I first got my phone, I noted we had been married approximately 2250 days. And, of course, as many of you know, 24 is beyond a great number. It's THE number. I thought, AWWWWWE-SOMMMMMMME!!! Our 2400th day of marriage is coming! I told Matt. He, of course, was ecstatic. Hehe. I said, "Matt! We've GOT to celebrate our 2400th day!" He said, "YEAH!! TOTALLY!! I can't wait!!" Or something to that effect.... ;)

I calculated what day it would be.... 

And it just so turned out to be...

June 22nd.

I did a double-take. I gasped. I calculated it again. I passed out from shock. I woke up thinking how all of my timeline-numbers-stats dreams came true with this one...! Hehe. 

June 22 is not only our 2400th day of marriage, it is ALSO the 7th anniversary of the day we got engaged! And, as every Hebrew enthusiast knows, seven is the "perfect" number. Having these two things coincide was SO unthinkably cool, I briefly wondered if Matt had actually planned it in advance (so that's why he wanted to be married in November...!). Ha ha! No, it was just fate.... :) YES!

We've had a fun day celebrating. We thought about going out to a nice dinner or something, but then I was thinking about the day we got engaged and decided we should pay more homage to it than just going out to dinner. :) On the day Matt popped the question, he had chased down a very late FedEx truck, (with the ring in it! He waited and waited and then, while pacing in front of the window, saw it leaving the street without having stopped at the address! Whew!! Poor freaking-out Matt...), packed a picnic lunch, got stuck in traffic behind some silly parade of some po-dunk silly Utah town, picked me up, took me up into the mountains for a little hike, found a nice little log to sit for our picnic lunch (oh yeah, and also to ask me to marry him and kiss me :)), bought some shakes, and took me to a little park where we sat on the grass eating our shakes, staring at my ring, and saying things like, "woo hoo!! We're engaged!!" 

So, for our 24/7 anniversary, I packed a picnic lunch and took us to a canyon park nearby that we've always wanted to hike through. I couldn't think of a way to have to chase down a FedEx truck.... But I tried. Hehe. I also couldn't find a parade in town to get stuck in traffic behind—but maybe it can count that, very recently, we were thwarted in a billion different places when the San Diego Marathon took over our exact routes to every place we want to go (grrr...). The memory still stings enough for it to have happened today. ;) So we went to the San Clemente Canyon trails near our house, hoping to find a log to sit on for our picnic lunch. Instead, what we found was.... POISON OAK!! Tons, and TONS of poison oak! I've seen a lot of poison oak in my life—but NEVER this overgrown. It was truly awe-inspiring. And intimidating. Especially with Seth around, and especially since we'll be seeing my mom several times in the next few years—which is about how long it takes for the oil to leave clothing enough that her skin won't blow up upon contact. Anyway, we were thwarted. Fitting. Hehe.

We considered going to another hiking place, but decided our events would just fail to coincide perfectly, and went to the park for our picnic lunch instead of milkshakes. Let me just say.... Our life situation has improved immensely in the last seven years. Ha ha ha! We weren't at no park in Provo, people. :) And it wasn't no hundred degrees. (And we were also about to discover a chocolate malt so far superior to the one 7 years ago from the famed Provo "Malt Shoppe" that they really shouldn't get to be called the same thing. Mmmm!!!!) We went to one of our favorite parks in Mission Beach. It's super-quiet, right in the tiny isthmus between the ocean, the bay, and the river. Coolest place ever. (Literally, the bay at your front, the river at your back, and the ocean maybe 100 yards off to the side.) Seth played on toys, and we watched sailboats and the sunset while munching our yummy picnic.

And then it was off to Ocean Beach for that amazing chocolate malt. Which we just ate in the car on the way home.... (Did I mention it was amazing? :))

All in all, a fun day! So Happy 24/7 to us! 

Because Happy 24/7 is what I am when it comes to spending life with Matt. (Aw.... ;))

My Name, Part Two:

Ok, this isn't really about my name.... But for all you people who took the baby names survey, there are a couple more on the list now. First of all.... Tess! Oooh, I love it. Seth, Maren, and Tess. Those could totally be our kids. 

Actually, that's the only one. Hehe. We've also talked Evan a little.... But I don't know.... What are people's thoughts on Evan and Ian? Evan Williams. Ian Williams. Eh. 

I'd rather have Maren and Tess. :) 

Oh, help our poor little boy #2 if he ever exists. We can't find any more names!

What does this make you think?

I'll tell you what it makes me think: don't screw this up, don't screw this up! Auburn, so help me, if you even think about taking your eyes off that light...!

I enjoy creating several "rules of thumb" for life. Hehe. They probably deserve their own blog post! (I'll put it on the docket. :)) Things like: if you had time to make a complete stop, and the light is still yellow.... You chose poorly, friend.... :)

BUT, rule of thumb when you see a photo-enforcement sign?! If you see a yellow light—a glowing yellow orb of death—and you don't slam on your brakes and sit patiently behind the limit line...? You fool! (It's time to go see the doctor about that brain transplant....) Sure, when you're right about to enter the intersection and the light barely turns yellow, chances are you'll make it through. But if you don't...? That $485 ticket is gonna hurt.

Yes! You heard me correctly! $485!

Second rule of thumb at a photo light: don't you dare enter the intersection when there's even the slightest possibility you'll get stalled by the traffic in front of you.

That's gotta be an awful feeling to be stuck behind a row of cars, watching the light above you turn yellow, then red, and seeing the flashes of cameras documenting your stupidity.

So, San Diego has a fair number of these photo lights. I think about 10 or so. I see one or two of them most every day. And...! Without fail!! Can you believe it? I always see people running red lights! Are they insane?! Did you not notice the very prominent signs, warning you that you're about to lose five hundred bucks?! You really want to get through the intersection that badly...? 500 bucks?

Sometimes I think, well, maybe someone is in labor or something. But then I remember Matt trying to get me to the hospital while I was in transition, running red lights all across Denver, and I think... no.... No way would Matt have run that red light. Five hundred bucks? No way. And me.... Sure, I couldn't say two words at the time, but I swear I would have jumped at him, pulled him by the collar, and yelled something like, "cross this line and we're through!!" if that photo sign had come at us. ;)

Five hundred bucks!!

So.... People! What are you thinking?

My Name, Part One:

Brigham Young University and the BYU Humanities Department keep sending things to: Auburn Golding Williams; or Auburn G. Williams. Ugh! That's not my name! And Auburn G. Williams looks positively atrocious. 

A Survey...

So, if you had his permission, would you feel ok about slapping your father in the face as part of a comedy skit or something...?

And another question, which may or may not sound related: does the faucet in a public restroom give you germy heebie-jeebies?

I read in an article in the New York Times that these questions can identify your political leanings! I want to see more! Apparently, conservatives are far more likely than liberals to NOT be willing to slap their father in the face, even with permission—and liberals are likely to think that's just fine (with permission... :)). Also, liberals are far more likely to say the faucet doesn't bother them, while conservatives worry about its germs. 

My answers? I had said no, no way to the slapping my father in the face. It's unthinkable! Maybe my dad before my grandma, or something, but still.... And to the faucet heebie-jeebies...? Also a no. I don't think about it one second. Big deal. I've even been in some pretty germy bathrooms (world traveling has its price :)), and I never once worried that, what? Some germs are gonna.... What...? 

Just give me some soap or hand sanitizer, and back in the fresh air, and I'm good. 

Anyway, I was pleased that with this huge sample of TWO WHOLE QUESTIONS :), I came out as a moderate. Hehe. Which I'm pretty sure I actually am. I'm at least dang sure I'm not a liberal, and sometimes even more sure I'm not a conservative. And now this proves it, right? Ha ha!

As for Matt, he answered "moderately" as well.... Though with the opposite answers! A reflection of our political compatibility...? Haha! It amused me. Even if the thought of Matt slapping his dad is downright horrifying. The gall!

How do you answer? 

Say what?

I love Seth being so creative with talking! Hahahaha! The better he is at talking, the funnier life is. Yesterday, coming home from church, he really surprised me with this one:

Seth— "Ugh, I'm REAL tired, Mom."

Me— "Do you want to go to bed when we get home?"

Seth— "Yeah. I want to eat something ['tea-ting'] first, and then I wanna go to bed.... YAWWWWWNNNNNNNNN."

Me— "Oh. You sound really tired, Mister. Maybe when we get home, you should just have a big drink of milk, and then go to bed."

Seth— "Ummmm....  How about not....  There's another choice.  It's called 'eating.'  And that's what I'm going to do.  Alright...?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I swear I'm not making this up! HAHAHA!! Who could refute such an argument? :)

When in London...

DO enjoy the theatre! London has the best theatre in the world! I'm pretty sure that's generally accepted, too, but it's at the very least my conviction. Hehe. Pretty much anything you can see in the U.S. is going to be better if you see it in London. Some of the explanations I've been able to come up with are:

1) People don't clap over the top of songs. (Thank you!!! You see, they must actually like theatre, and aren't just trying to convince themselves they're enthusiastic. They actually want to—oh, how novel—hear the best part of a song.)

2) U.S. theatre is very sensational. Which can be SUPER-fun. But I love, love, LOVE how British theatre takes everything back a notch. They aren't afraid of a little dead time here and there, or to sing in falsetto for an entire song, or to slow something down. Fantastic.

3) They sometimes surprise with something totally out of the box. For instance, eight years ago I saw Les Miserables in London after seeing it a million times in the U.S. And to this day I don't know how they did it—same set, same songs, same staging, same everything, but they actually made Javert the lead character, not Jean Valjean. It was incredible. Amazing! Kristin and I went back, what was it, Kristin? Like three days later or something? We just had to see it again. Totally changed the profundity of the show. I'd love to see it that way again.

Now, the point of this post is to warn you about what you don't need to see in London! I thought I had found the one show that stinks in Britain, but it turns out there's another. Eight years ago, I discovered it's worthless to see The Lion King. My favorite musical! I couldn't wait. But, hahahaha! It had no soul! A real travesty.... People running around all proper-like, calling Simba "Simbur" just didn't do it for me. So give me our soulful American performers in that show, please, please.

This trip, we discovered another! Can you guess? Which show can you imagine just wouldn't work in Britain? Wicked! It wasn't as bad as Lion King, but it definitely needed help. Galinda was never, ever meant to be British. Ha ha! Just wrong! :) Maybe—maybe—the rest of the cast, but you've just gotta get a valley girl to play Galinda. Also, all the main characters were missing a tremendous amount of attitude. Every one seemed so. . .mature. . . . Which might have been interesting.... Except that it wasn't. 

My other great disappointment in Wicked was Elphaba's singing. She was ok. I even warmed up to her a little by the second act. But my favorite thing about Elphaba has been my hope that she'll destroy the whiny, nasally, pinched belting that Eponine made popular about 10 years ago. For years, you couldn't watch a woman sing on stage without her singing entirely out of her nose. And then Elphaba comes along.... YES! Biggest voice ever! And when she sings the pretty stuff, nothing nasally about it. Thank you, Elphaba!! (It's been great that the nasally voice Galinda has, which is exactly what everyone else has been doing in seriousness, is a caricature in Wicked. My hopes have been high that Wicked will change the tide!) In London, I don't know—maybe it was just an accidental casting, but the Elphaba was total nasal-girl all over again. Bleh. Which is funny, considering that London is typically a respite from nasal-girls. But in the one show where you don't find nasal-girl in the U.S., she suddenly shows up in Britain. Strange!

Anyway, we saw some other great shows, and actually still enjoyed Wicked. (They did have an interesting mood, with things a little slowed down and such. The characters were just too . . . desassified! :)) But even if Wicked and Lion King are the coolest shows ever, and London has the best theatre ever, be warned! Enjoy something else! You'll be so glad you did, too, because it's gonna be AMAZING. :)