Things I Learned in Medical School

So I may not have been the one to actually graduate and become a doctor, but being married to a medical student definitely felt like an educational experience. When Matt came home from "work" and I asked, "how was your day...?," the answer often included a description of surgeries he performed, diseases and disorders and syndromes he diagnosed, symptoms he observed, and treatments he administered—which descriptions often required a basic tutorial in physiology, chemistry, anatomy, and/or a lot of other things I can't quite put my finger on at the moment. If I had written down everything I once learned while going through medical school with Matt, it would probably seem rather impressive. Too bad that I only internalized a few basic, interesting "ah-ha!" tidbits! (I suppose over the years, being married to a doctor might afford millions of revisits of information I keep forgetting, so there's still hope for me.... :)) Here's a list of things that rocked my world enough to keep me remembering them:

1. Hydrogen Peroxide (we always called it Magic Bubbles) is generally a bad idea for basic wound care! It makes sense, though—while it's very effective at killing the germs, it also kills (drumroll please...) healthy tissue cells! So, 2 seconds after killing the germs, when you reintroduce germs to the area, they have a perfect little place to live and grow: your defenseless wound, now dead, unable to try to kill invaders! So, unless you want to gurgle with magic bubbles (I guess it's great for that...), pack 'em up. Fascinating, no?

2. If you thought that was fascinating, get a load of THIS! The thing that makes neosporin work is not the antibiotics—it's the vaseline! Studies demonstrate very clearly that neosporin is no more effective than plain-old vaseline. The vaseline is a great barrier, keeping further germs out of a wound, and doing something (I forgot—maybe through hydration...?) to help your cells fix things. Furthermore, neosporin is not recommended over vaseline because a significant percentage of the population (20% or something like that...? and it keeps rising) actually develops a skin reaction to neosporin that can be harmful. So, first of all, you can spend less money following this recommendation (courtesy of the dermatology world...). Second, you will heal just as fast. Third, you won't be at risk for a yucky skin reaction. Ever used neosporin and ended up with a red wound...? Itchy maybe...? Should have used vaseline. Who knew?! I still can't believe neosporin isn't the miracle I thought it was! Definitely rocked my world. :)

3. When you do CPR, it's true that you need to put a lot of force into the compression, but you need to be sure to let off entirely before doing another compression. Even a small amount of force on the chest inhibits blood flow around the heart. Makes sense, huh? (This was definitely an "ah-ha!" moment for us. :)) So if you ever get to be a good samaritan, just remember to compress hard, then let go all the way. You might save a life with that little tidbit. 

4. Hypoglycemia doesn't exist! At least not the way people think (some rare tumors and things can cause true hypoglycemia). I remember times I used to say, "oh, man, I'm feeling hypoglycemic!" Well, apparently I was making it up. :)

5. A few germs are great for a growing body. To all the moms out there who freak when someone (gasp!) touches their baby, or who are afraid to let their kids play in dirt, etc., etc.... No need to worry so much. Shielding a kid too much from germs weakens the immune system, and puts the kid at MUCH greater risk for things like asthma and allergies. In situations where sanitary conditions in a society suddenly change (for instance, the separation of East and West Germany—then the reunification), cleaner immediately equals bad asthma, among other things. Also, the best time for kids to play in dirt is when they're about 8 years old, when their thymus is huge and their immune systems are on fire. More exposure means better resistance! (I know I sure wish I had been infected with mono when I was a kid and only gotten cold symptoms rather than being one of the lucky few who makes it to adulthood without catching it somehow. That's why people with mono are always in their late-teens and early-twenties. It's about as long as you can go without catching it. Everyone who got it as a kid just looked like they caught a cold, and then became immune [and contagious...] for forever. So kiss your kids! Share drinks! Hehe.)

6. Speaking of kids' immune systems, you can expect a baby to catch a cold about once a month—more if they're in daycare. No worries there, either. A doctor doesn't start to be concerned about a baby catching viruses until.... Well, never for most kids...! Because even much more than one a month is still in "normal" range.

7. Statistically (exceptions always exist for everything...), epidurals speed up labor rather than slowing it down. This was news to me! It seems like the "everyone should have babies at home even though that's insane" nurses have really gotten the word out that epidurals will slow labor down and I, for one, believed it. However, most of the time a woman's own tension is a far bigger factor in inhibiting dilation and the baby's movement than drugs would be. Usually, an epidural, just by letting a woman and her muscles relax, results in a much quicker dilation and smoother delivery.... Which isn't to say it's actually recommended for all normal deliveries, just that it's not not-recommended and has a great chance of being very helpful.

8. Babies don't really have bones, so much. An x-ray of a baby is mostly a big haze. Cool....

9. Noses and ears never stop growing. That's why old people have big noses and ears. It will happen to you, too. :)

10. Botox is the most deadly toxin known to man (same thing that causes botulism!). Seriously. THE MOST DEADLY TOXIN KNOWN TO MAN. "Um, yes, I'd like to shoot some of that into my face, please?" (Coincidentally, frozen-botox-face is the deadliest expression—or lack thereof—known to man. :))

11. A dermatologist can charge the same amount for a cancerous-mole removal that a heart surgeon can charge for a HEART TRANSPLANT. Whoa! Seriously? (Coincidentally, dermatologists are loaded. $$$$$ Yes, that guy you go to for your pimples.... $$$$ :))

As you can see, I can't exactly describe the chemical structure of this or that, and how it effects the intricate structure of this organ and that organ.... Hehe. But those are still some interesting bits of information! And now you know them, too. Aren't we glad we (sort of) went to medical school....

P.S. Don't be surprised if I have to issue a retraction after Matt comes home and proof-reads my tutorial here.... I don't think I exaggerated anything, but you never know what a memory will do. Hehe. :)