I'm married to a man who loathes—loathes—makeup. Some women keep their hair a certain way because their husbands love it, or wear makeup every day so their husbands are proud of how they look. But if I were to base my appearance on what makes my husband happy, I'd throw out all makeup and never put a drop of it on my face. He hates the stuff. I press him on it sometimes, to see how serious he is.... For instance, we might get all dressed up for an event of some kind and, when he sees me, Matt's eyes might do their twinkle-thing as he comments on how nice I look. And I might say something like: "Now, admit it! Aren't you glad I'm wearing makeup right now?" I really think he means it when he says: "You look great tonight, but you'd look even better with no makeup! What's wrong with just...you?!!"
Sometimes he has almost a visceral reaction talking about makeup, like he's really going to start retching right there. Haha! "Ugh.... It's just so...! Ugh!! A face is beautiful! Skin! It's just skin! Why do people need to make it different colors? Why do people need to plaster it? What's with mascara? That's ridiculous! Tar? On your eyelashes? It looks horrible!! Eyelashes are beautiful! Skin is beautiful! Freckles are beautiful! What's wrong with people?"
And, I have to admit.... His point makes sense to me.
Enough sense, at least, to not wear a lot of makeup. ;-)
I still can't resist sometimes smoothing out my complexion a little. Hehe. I'm sorry, Matt! And if I ever find a great mascara that doesn't look like mascara (I like how it opens up the eyes a little more but I hate the fake-eyelash look!) I'm sure I wouldn't be able stop using it, either. :)
I remember watching an old game show hosted by Drew Carey several years ago, and a question came up for the contestant that somehow referenced "ugly people." Drew Carey said something like: "Oh, but there are no ugly people." Which drew a laugh, even from me. He was chagrined it had come off as a joke, stopped everything for a second, and said something to the tune of: "No, really, this is very important to me. I really feel that every person matters and every person is beautiful. And we're all made differently, but every single person is beautiful. There is no ugly. There are no ugly people."
It was almost a spiritual experience for me (obviously, I remember it years later), and I felt properly ashamed for laughing at the idea at first, for not having had this same conviction myself. I felt the truth of what he was saying.
This goes together with Matt's conviction that, wow, a person is beautiful, just how he or she is! Their skin is beautiful because it's them. Makeup? Makeup isn't them. Their normal skin is them, their normal eyes, their normal eyelashes. Those are all you. I want to see you, not makeup. Keep yourself clean and presentable, definitely. And, sure, tweeze those hairs you hate, get a nice haircut, whatever. But covering up you...? You are more beautiful than you plus paint and tar. You are beautiful.
I believe it's true. I especially believe it's true when I see someone with so much makeup on that she looks un-human. We actually see this with much frequency! (Drawn-on eyebrows really go too far. The "smoky" zombie-raccoon eye. Thick mascara.... I get you, Matt! I get why you'd rather see a human face!) I'm working on believing it to the extent that I really feel totally presentable without a little makeup. We'll see if I ever get there.... But, at least, I can go out without it and still feel confidence in myself. My worth is not in the wow-factor of my appearance. Oh please. If it were, even the most stunningly beautiful person would be of very, very little worth. Infinitesimal worth!
Our Heavenly Father must just want to wrap us all up in his arms sometimes and say, wow, do you even realize how beautiful you are, and what that means...? You are a child of the Almighty God. His child. His creation. His love and His joy. You are His! And yet we wake up every morning to put ourselves on display, to draw some attention to some strange idea of beauty.... A beauty that means nothing—less than nothing—compared with the beauty of being a person, a child of God.
I look at pictures of people in other cultures, and I marvel at the beauty. Why are they so incredibly gorgeous?!! One reason is that, ok, they're actually more gorgeous. ;-) But how beautiful is it to look at people through the lens of unfamiliarity and just see...people. Not a body shape or a makeup style or a hairstyle or a dye job. Just people.... Skin. Smiles. Eyes. Hands.
Imagine how beautiful our own culture might be if we just gloried in our personness, and not in our trophiness. If we "loved the skin we're in." :) If hair extensions and bleach and eye tar and smoky eyes were kaput. If we felt, like Matt and Drew Carey, that, wow, people are beautiful! Just look at them, really look at them. They're beautiful!!
It's nice to imagine.
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Pictures:
1) Camille took this in Guatemala. What a lovely woman this is! Would you put botox in this face? Anyone? (If you would, please don't tell me. My opinion of you could never recover, I'm afraid. :))
2) So, so beautiful. I see this photo, and I totally understand why Matt could explode over the thought of makeup. Can you imagine this woman all made up? Foundation all over that skin, eyeliner around those eyes, three shades of eye shadow, two coats of mascara, lip liner on those lips with a glossy stain, eyebrow pencil to fill in a little.... Oh! Oh! I could die over this thought! Look at that lovely, lovely face! Ok, I've never understood Matt better. I get you, Matt! Maybe I will go throw away all my makeup!
3) Ditto. :-) People are beautiful.
5 comments:
Fred is the same way. But he's adds that, to him, women who get all "dolled up" are showing their low self esteem. A woman that can go out, just the way she is, has more confidence. I love that I don't have to worry about getting all "dolled up" for Fred (although I do prefer to cover blemishes and enhance some healthy color/glow and I totally agree with the mascara opening up the eyes a bit). I feel blessed to be able to be comfortable in my own skin around my husband. We're lucky gals Auburn!
Just wait until Maren is old enough to start asking why you are wearing makeup. You for sure can't say "to be pretty" because then it implies that she is not pretty if she's not wearing makeup. But if it's not to be pretty, why do we do it? I have some easy answers for my girls -- my eyelashes are very light and I want them to look more like the long, dark, beautiful lashes that all my girls are blessed with. I can give the same answer with blush -- just want my cheeks to be a little rosy like yours. But eyeshadow is a little more tricky. It's a good thing I don't wear very much of it. Especially these days -- I have a lot more no makeup days than days where I get all the way "ready for the day."
I have a similar issue with hair. Having a nice haircut is great, but I don't understand why people do a lot of other things with their hair. Plus I think there's a little injustice in the fact that gray hair is so much easier to cover up than wrinkles or being fat. It means those of us with no gray hair and a few wrinkles end up looking older than people with gray hair and no wrinkles. That's no ok with me (obviously because of which side of it I'm on). I also have an issue with a friend of mine who spends hours straightening her 4-year-old daughter's naturally curly hair -- and then sometimes recurling it, but in a way that's more acceptable to her than the natural curl. She's totally teaching her daughter to be high maintenance! I just keep hoping that it won't totally rub off on my girls when they are all in high school together.
Sharon: agreed! :-)
Ellie: Haha! So true about kids asking about it! Seth has already been wildly fascinated by my makeup and asks me about it from time to time. Here are the kinds of answers I give him (hehe): "Why do you put that on your eyelashes, Mom?" Just to make them look a little longer. That's pretty silly, huh?!! (Haha!) Or, "Why do some people wear makeup?" It's just something women like to do for fun. I think it's kind of fun sometimes, too. It's kind of silly, though, isn't it?!
Yeah, I'm with you.... I don't want my kids growing up with some idea that their looks matter. They just don't. I still tell them they're cute, of course, but hopefully not in a way that makes them think it matters! Cross my fingers. (Or, heaven forbid, that any of their good features make them one whit better than someone without that great feature. Oh gosh.)
And, Ellie.... You have...wrinkles? No. Really? If you do, they must be cute (I actually think wrinkles ARE cute--especially crow's feet!! Oh man! Those are ridiculously happy-looking!) because I've never once thought your face was looking aged. I can't imagine anyone would guess you're any older than you are, and probably would guess younger! Not that I think aging is a problem. Aging is great. It actually makes me sad when people think I'm younger than I am--I've earned my years, dang it! And when I'm 50, I'm gonna own it! That's awesome!
As for your friend with the 4-year-old.... That's really, very, very sad. :-(
Cory feels the same way. Which is nice- that I don't have to feel pressure to look a certain way for him to be happy or proud of me....but he just doenst comment on looks period (most the time), so when i do muster up the energy to get dolled up I actually have to ASK if i look nice! haha! i go without makeup a lot. i don't quite feel 100% when i do...for some reason, probably due to cultural programming, i feel like im bummin' it or dont look my best. getting "dressed" does help, though. i often have thought that women spend SO much time preparing themselves. there is just more expected maintenance that goes into being an american woman. shaving. makeup. hair maintenance. nails. makeup- even a little bit still takes 5 minutes. conditioning hair. blowing out hair, or putting product in it, etc. wearing way more clothes/accessories than men. to be a woman, compared to a man, takes up SO much more time! men have more time than us because we do all these things! not fair! haha! ive drastically cut back on makeup. mostly due to the time/energy issue. because i do like how i look with some on. but im a fan of the bobbi brown look...natural colors. not cakey. but its still ridiculous. ive read that socioeconomically speaking, women in higher/highest income brackets wear less makeup or none at all. but, then again, i guess they can pay to have flawless and even skin! haha! this is fun topic to discuss.
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