Ohhhhh boy.

I've really been looking forward to getting a tour of the hospital where our baby will be born. I haven't been able to stand not knowing what it's like in there!

And I thought I'd enjoy it. Almost five years ago, I had really enjoyed the tour of Seth's hospital. Yes, almost five years! I had been so eager to see the place that I was one of the least-pregnant people there.

I think I was on to something....

Because this tour....
This tour scared the living daylights out of me. Too soon! Too soon!!

Even just sitting in the lobby waiting for our tour guide made me nervous! When a happy family came wandering in with "It's a Girl" balloons and bouquets of flowers, I apparently turned to Matt and muttered: "Oh gosh. Someone just had a baby. . . . Terrible things happen here...." (Haha! Matt laughed at that for a long while. At least one of us was having fun. ;-))

Have I mentioned I hate hospitals? Hate. It's amazing to me that Matt spends his life in them.

And have I mentioned that I hate not having complete control of my body...? The thought of all these people touching me, sticking things in me, collecting or measuring the gross stuff I can't keep from spilling out of me.... It's all very horrifying.

Worth it, though! Worth it! :) I keep chanting this to myself! (I'd be the perfect candidate for a home birth if I didn't care so much about having emergency care ready for our baby. Staying at home sounds sooo comfortable and appealing.... Aside from the mess. Hehe. ;))

So...yeah. I'm in a weird place. The idea of giving birth to a baby is a little too vivid right now, while the awesome idea of a new baby actually coming to our family is so surreal I can't even picture it. At all. Seriously? In a month we'll have another child? A baby again? A little girl? No....... Really?

Logically I say to myself, yes, there will be a new baby...right...? It's not just a medical horror occurring. It's really a new baby coming, Auburn, a new baby. Really! Even though you can't picture it. And I'll be so excited and happy in the hospital that I won't mind will be able to barely tolerate all the indignities and horrors. Right...? :)

And if there's one thing I learned from Seth's birth (or, rather, that was dramatically reinforced), it's that I want a pediatric team with their expertise and equipment to save my baby's life (or brain) if s/he plummets from looking low-risk to having a major emergency in mere (completely unpredictable) moments. So I can deal with it. Keep the maternal sacrifices coming.... ;-)

Less than four weeks, people! Whoa!!! :-)